Allow me to rant. Actually, I can do what I want here because it's my blog. Hah.
Okay, so for the few of you who actually read this, Katie & Rian, my dad, Katie S, Neil...(is my boyfriend even reading these anymore? unlikely), I feel comfortable enough with you guys to let some nervous energy go...
I'm starting my moody teenager phase that, to the blessing of my parents and chagrin of my boyfriend, is occurring during my early twenties. I started this project to bring some jazz into my life, spice it up, make it fun, but due to the fact that I have a 9-5, a yoga practice I'm trying to maintain and a relationship that needs a healthy amount of attention (NOT doing New Things), I'm just failing. Miserably.
A story. Not long after I started this, someone told me that I could make money off the blog with advertising. I had never thought of that before, but the idea was infectious, and I thought about it a LOT. I don't think this blog is the best place for making money, so I started a new website that would be useful for such a venture (which I haven't launched yet). THEN, I read Tim Ferris's book "The 4-Hour Workweek," about the fact that I should have a REAL product, not just a website, and that in doing so, I could quit my job, work less and make more. The life! (The lies!)
And now I have a bajillion project and ideas floating around in my brain and in the cyberworld, in an attempt to enjoy my life and get out of this 9-5 nonsense.
And I'm not enjoying my life.
So somewhere along the way today, I saw something about how my "Birth Chart" will tell me what my natural strengths and inclinations are, like a sort of "lifetime horoscope" and I thought, why the hell not?? I can't figure it out on my own, so rely on the stars, right?
Well, what I found was troubling.
Quotes from my Birth Chart:
"Not all Virgos are workaholics. However, when Virgos are not involved in some kind of project, there is generally a vague feeling of discontent. Even when their lives are filled up with work, they are restless and somewhat nervous creatures. The fear of under-performing is often strong."
I'm pretty sure I'm going to be stuck in this rut of project idea to project idea forever...and I'll never be content.
"The work that you do, and the services that you offer, are very important to your sense of identity."
Expressed this way, it makes sense of all that I feel about a career. It is my identity. I can't just do something for eight hours a day and let it mean nothing about me. Personality flaw? Yep. Ingrained in my birth chart.
"Your identity rides on your sense of personal freedom. It can be quite a challenge to get you to do what you don't want to do, simply because you see any attempts by others to push you in a certain direction as threatening to your sense of freedom."
Yes, don't tell me what I could be good at for a career. I'll rule it out immediately because I didn't think of it on my own.
"It can be difficult to hold a 9 to 5 job or to develop steady routines. You work best when you can manage your own schedule, and you work in spurts. When you are hit with creative inspiration, you are capable of tremendous effort. However, you can be quite temperamental, and it is very hard for you to pour your heart and soul into something that you don't "feel" for at the moment."
Hence, my lack of enthusiasm for doing New Things right now. But today, I looked at my birth chart.
I'm scared I'll never change...but I hope I "feel" it tomorrow.